I knew I was changing. I knew there were things in my life that were shifting ad would never be the same again. I knew because I hate change and when it comes, I kick and scream and act like a child.
It isn’t pretty.
If you’ve read my other posts, you know that I’ve been through some stuff. Depression got the better of me a couple of years ago and I went through counseling to figure out what was “wrong” with me. Things are better now – melancholy is still there as a personality trait, but I’m basically a happy person. 😉
But now, I feel a little like Inigo Montoya – you know, “I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I’m not sure what to do with the rest of my life.” Change happened, but now I’m not sure who I am.
Some questions I intend to explore:
1. Can I really make a To Do List using a sketchpad and Sharpies? (Especially given my Type-A personality that is enamored with straight lines and perfect-ness…). I’m stockpiling Sharpies just in case.
2. What will I write now that I am free to write? Will anyone read what I write?
3. Am I going to be ok with sitting still more often? Also known as: Does doing nothing really constitute doing something?
4. Would I make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts?
5. Will I ever write a post more popular than the Hooters one?
6. Am I actually going to spend time on creative endeavors?
7. Am I really going to spend more time away from my computer – living, creating, writing – than in front of it?
8. Why is it so hard to turn off the TV sometimes?
9. Should I or shouldn’t I set goals according to my Life’s Mission Statement? (Yes, I have one. Yes, it is part of who I used to be, but yes, it still very much applies. Yes, goal-setting is part of who I used to be, but following through on goals is not, so wouldn’t setting goals and then actually achieving them be something new? I think so. Good talk.)
10. Does anyone else remember the Spider-Man song from The Electric Company that included the line “Nobody knows who you are”? Memory jogger (Note: yes, the clip is three minutes long, but after the first 35 seconds, you will have heard all the words – with the exception of the weirdly whispered, “Spiderman” around minute 1:40, in addition to the full chorus repeated with a little extra wailing around 2:24 – and either will remember the song or still be clueless. Do not feel compelled to listen to all three minutes unless you are doing something else and are energized by the jazzy tune. Yes, I listened to all of it – you know, just to make sure it was suitable for all audiences. That and I was enjoying the jazzy tune…):